fluorite | irl things

[By all means, pant in his ear. Yael likes a raspy bitch.

...And there's the other shoe. Yael's sighs are swallowed up by the light breeze, the distant smell of petrichor filling his lungs.]

I guess they do. But he knows we can't be together.

[Yael squeezes Yuui's thigh.]

He knows I won't abandon you.

[ ...Ah.

He thought he had emotionally prepared himself for this, but it still hurts nevertheless, a little crack forming in his heart and splintering out. Yuui dares not to breath lest his breath hitches and gives away the way his chest hurts.

He hates being right.

Unsure of what he should say or do, he simply laughs. It's a light and airy thing. ]

I guess I can't blame you. He's pretty attractive, especially if he looks anything like his avatar.

[That laugh is like a cudgel striking his heart. Yuui shouldn't have asked, knowing Yael would tell him the truth. After lying by omission failed to spare Hector's feelings, he can be nothing but honest now.]

That's enough. You don't have to pretend to be fine with it when you're not. I'm sure it feels like a betrayal of your feelings.

[He could never cheat on Yuui, not in a million years, but Yuui may see it differently. He may consider a mutual crush tantamount to having an emotional affair for all Yael knows. It's nothing like that, he would insist, but he remains silent to leave room for Yuui's thoughts.]

...

[ No matter what he does, Yael won't let him smile through it, will he? He feels a small flash of anger and unwittingly allows himself to suck in a breath. ]

It hurts.

[ But Yael is right—it feels like a betrayal of his feelings, and the fact that he had deduced it before only makes it hurt more. ]

[He hears the breath catch in Yuui's throat and suppresses another sigh— reflexive guilt. They reach the top of the hill and Yael pulls his jacket off overhead, laying it on the grass and motioning for Yuui to sit.

He'll join him, choosing to settle in close when he might otherwise mind his space. Yuui needs comfort, warm comfort, when he's struggling. It's taken Yael long enough to internalize that.]

I know, Yuui, but I love you. Even if you don't love me.

[Even if Yuui doesn't know what he feels for him. Even if Yuui's affection never turns to love.]

You're the one I've imagined a future with. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with, if you'll have me. Against my own better judgment, I think about the future a lot. I want you to be in it.

[ For a brief moment, Yuui isn't sure he wants Yael in his space. But it's a flash of an emotion and he realizes that, yes, he very much does want Yael in his space. It takes nearly no time at all for Yuui to wrap his arms around Yael's middle.

For a little while, he doesn't say anything, collecting his feelings as he simply breathes in and out. His head practically spins with all kinds of thoughts, and he finds himself unable to settle on a single one.

He's hurt, but he feels relief with a little twinge of guilt when Yael says he loves him again. ]

When we didn't talk... I was really scared. I thought I wouldn't see you again.

[He winds his arms around Yuui, solid and assuring, and listens to him. Listens to the tremble in his voice that's nearly swallowed up by the rumbling of the distant storm. Listens to his fears, the result of being abandoned and failed so many times before. Hell, he's failing Yuui now.]

I had a feeling. Sorry.

[A nestled kiss in Yuui's hair. A tight squeeze.]

I'd never abandon you. I'm not the kind of man. There may be times where I need my space, but you needed yours too. I'm glad you took what you needed.

[ He shakily breathes out with that kiss, pressing closer as he buries his face in Yael's shoulder. The air around them grows a little more humid, the smell of impending rain almost overpowering, but he doesn't care. That's not important. ]

I thought every day about sending you a message, but I decided I would wait.

[ And even now, he's not sure if that was the right decision with the way it left him in almost a haze that lasted for days on end. ]

I know I hurt you too. I'm sorry.

[Yuui... He's not the one who should be issuing any apologies. Yael lightly baps the top of Yuui's head with a closed fist, scolding him, only to tug him closer and fit him with another kiss.]

You did what you had to do for your own well-being. I could never take offense to that.

Playing with that honesty was dangerous. I shouldn't have.

[ But he did and now here they are. Perhaps he should talk about their mismatched feelings, or that Yael wants to spend his life with him, but just as before... he needs time. His heart still aches, but he knows he'll be able to give Yael an answer eventually—an answer that Yael will be happy for, he hopes.

He gives Yael a squeeze. ]

What have you been up to?

[ Might as well catch up. ]

Moping on my mope hill.

[The usual, you know?]

You know what my life's like by now, so we're talking about you. How are your grades?

[Call it a hunch, but he has a suspicion Yuui has been slacking on his schoolwork. Can't imagine why!!]

...That's unfair.

[ Ugh, he feels like he's been caught doing something bad!! If he wasn't still moping and feeling sorry for himself, he'd pinch Yael right now. ]

I cancelled most of my tutoring sessions and haven't gone to class a few times. [ He pauses. ] I've been turning in my work, though.

...You idiot.

[With a sharp grunt, Yael hauls him into his lap and nips at his cheek.]

I had a feeling. You were really that scared I'd leave you, huh? I have a lot of work do to.

[ He smiles, the look in his eyes still watery, as he smacks Yael on the chest for that little nip. He missed this. ]

I thought I ruined everything. [ Yuui pauses, his gaze drifting back over the hill and towards the gray clouds approaching. ] I meant it when I said I wanted to stay with you.

[Ah, now this is what he missed. Bits of lighthearted teasing and affection, the feeling of embracing a body that feels tailor made to fit in his arms. Yael hugs Yuui close, speaking quietly into his ear.]

Then stay with me tonight. We don't have to do anything. I just want you in my arms.

[ Yes. The answer is so obviously yes, but Yuui doesn't say that, even as a small smile forms on his lips. The look in his eyes at least speaks that single word for him. ]

Will you get us breakfast?

[ Normally he'd ask for Yael to make it, but... no thanks. ]

[Breakfast... Fai doesn't ask for much, does he? Yael squeezes him close, pressing his lips to his temple.]

Yeah. I'll bring you whatever you want.

[They'll make it a day in.]

[ Oh, that kiss to the temple is nice. He missed the gentle affection that Yael likes to dole out more than he expected to. ]

Whatever I want? What if I ask for a bucket full of hashbrowns?

[ Yael knows he won't, but hey, there's still a possibility! ]

I'd love to stay over.

Really? You gonna eat the whole thing?

[If the answer is yes, then he'll absolutely bring this guy a KFC bucket full of hashbrowns. If Yael's lucky, maybe his lovely little twig here will feed him a bite.]

But I appreciate it. We'll stay hands off if you want.

[After all, it's very possible Yuui isn't in the mood for sex after, well, broadly gestures at their whole thing.]

Take the bed, alright? The couch is plenty comfy.

Maybe. You never know.

[ Relationship weight gain is already taking some affect on him, after all. His ass isn't quite as bony as it used to be.

But Yael deserves a smack on the chest for even suggesting they'll sleep separately. ]

Do you really think I'm letting you take the couch after all this time? I don't care if I wake up to your dick waving in my face. We're sleeping together.

[ Whether or not Yuui is actually in the mood for sex is variable, honestly. Their last time might have been a clusterfuck, but he's also eager to make new memories too. ]

You really think I'd wave my dick in your face? Well, if you're giving me permission...

[...He'd rather wake Yuui up with a cock in his ass, frankly, but he'll consider it. Nothing says good morning like a good breakfast sausage.]

If that's what you want, fine. Still, I'm surprised.

[Wasn't last time kind of.......... traumatic?]

[ Does the breakfast sausage have cheese on it?

It sure was traumatic! But Fai hasn't lingered on it too much, at least, which is why he gives Yael a quizzical look. ]

Hm? Why's that?

[ Explain. ]

[Yuui can add the cheese himself :| ]

...You seriously have to ask? Man, you're worse with compartmentalizing things than I am. I hurt you, Yuui. I hurt you a lot.

[No need to ask him why he'd remain with the man who abused him. Yuui isn't right in the head, but Yael has no room to talk.]

[ He stiffens in Yael's hold as he holds his gaze resolutely elsewhere. ]

I hurt you too. You can't leave my part out of this, Sheza.

[ Maybe it says a lot about Yuui that he feels this way, but he does. They hurt one another a lot, and while that might remain a stain on their relationship for a while, he thinks they can at least work through it. ]

[Nah, he supposes he'd be just as bad if he ignored Yuui's role in this too. With a sigh, Yael squeezes him tighter, tucking his face into the crook of his neck.]

Then we both need to make amends. Being intimate with you won't bother me, but if it's going to bother you, we need to keep our hands to ourselves.

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