fluorite | irl things

[ Oh, he doesn't need to be told twice. This entire mess has made Yuui realize he can't just stick people together because he wants them to approve of one another. He regrets doing it now, but maybe it wouldn't have changed anything in the end anyway. ]

I've learned my lesson, Sheza. I'll make sure the two of you avoid one another as much as you like.

[ He gives Yael another squeeze, pressing yet another kiss to his shoulder. ]

You know, you've made my life better. Don't discount things like that.

[Little by little, Yael relaxes into Yuui's touch. Loses himself in it. Drops his guard. With Yuui, he knows he's safe. With Yuui, all the doubt and anxieties that plagued his mind over this last week are worlds away.]

It's not your problem to resolve, you know. I don't need help avoiding that guy.

[Yael has never had a problem giving people the cold shoulder. Fandaniel is no exception.]

Forgive me for finding that hard to believe, but I think I've only made life harder for you. What about your classes? Your lab work?

[Yuui must be missing out on important schoolwork being here.]

What you've seen me do is balance my life back to the way it should be.

[ His lips brush against Yael's skin, his breath warm against it as he speaks. ]

I spent all day in the lab or on campus, to the point where I would sleep in the library instead of going home. The only time I would leave either place was for tutoring or a hookup.

[ Yuui's heart beats faster, because he's laying out his terrible coping mechanisms plainly for Yael to see, even the ones that extend beyond just Fragment. It's scary, even scarier than taking the step to allow Yael to have his one of his spare keys. ]

About a month before the beta test started, something happened and my friends forced me to take a step back from my time at school or in the lab. I was struggling a lot with actually doing it, but with you here, it's easier. I have reason to cut myself slack.

[ Old habits die hard and he can't help but be vague, but the way he speaks at least leaves things open enough that Yael can ask for more detail. ]

[Yuui is being intentionally vague. Yael wants to leave him his space, to let him bring the issue up only when it's necessary. That's what Yael would do for most people, but Yuui isn't most people. Yuui is...

...No. Right now, he needs only to focus on the moment. Cradling Yuui's hands, Yael's tone softens just a hair. This is a decision better left in Yuui's hands.]

Do you want to talk about it?

[ It's such a miniscule shift, but Yuui notices it immediately. Then again, he's paid close attention to Yael's behavior ever since they met, picking up on whatever small things he can—a slight change in his tone, a twitch of his fingers, the smallest of smiles. Yuui always pays attention, always tries to find out more about Yael.

And it's scary, but maybe he can let Yael in just a little more in return. Yael has shared so much with him that it's only fair, isn't it?

Besides... Yuui wants him to know these things, and that in and of itself is terrifying. ]

I made an attempt on my life. As you can see, I wasn't successful, but I came close enough.

[An attempt on his life. Yael has hit some low points in his life, but he's never fallen that far. Moreover, he wishes this news came as some surprise to him, but he's come to know Yuui as a very closed off, very private person with a big heart to protect. People like him don't take well to being hurt.]

One sec.

[He gives Yuui that bit of warning before standing up, turning around, and hauling Yuui into his lap so his spindly legs drape along the side of the tub. Better.]

That's not an easy thing to admit. Thanks.

[Yael's answers are often so curt as to sound flippant, but Yuui knows him better than that. He knows a thanks from him is a genuine one, especially when his arms come up around him to squeeze him tight, his lips lingering against Yuui's temple.]

[ Ah, he's right back to being the little spoon... not like he minds it much, even as his legs feel cold now that they're no longer in the warm water and instead draped over the side of the tub. Yael is much, much warmer than any water, though, so he presses closer breathing out a long sigh against Yael's skin. ]

You deserve to know something like that.

[ Yael isn't alone in his struggles, after all. He may not like for Yuui to see this side of him, but Yuui knows what it's like, at least in spirit.

Heart still beating fast from the rush of admitting something like that, Yuui reaches his arm around to wrap it around Yael's back so he can embrace him in return. ]

You're such a big softie.

Mm. Am I?

[A big softie? Him? Yael supposes he can't argue given the need he feels to hold Yuui close whenever he can tell that he isn't feeling well. Call it a gut instinct, something animalistic, but the urge to care for Yuui and keep him safe is intrinsic, no less natural than breathing air.

And so Yael hugs him tighter, feeling that heart beating against his chest and squeezing Yuui all the tighter for it.]

Whatever you say. I just can't ignore you when you mope and make those sad faces.

I’m not moping.

[ He laughs softly, using his free hand to reach up and pinch Yael’s nose. ]

Or… I’m not the only one moping here. You think I can ignore you when you’re like this too?

[ It’s unavoidable. Yael pulls on his heart, worries him if it’s clear he’s not doing well. Yuui moves his hand off of Yael’s nose, smoothing over his cheek instead. ]

Mm.

[A noncommittal acknowledgement before he buries his face in the crook of Yuui's neck.]

You say I'm a big softie? Takes one to know one.

[Punctuated with a kiss, a little bite of Yuui's neck.]

Thanks for coming out here. In the future... well, I guess I've got no choice. Next time I'm feeling like shit because one of your questionable friends set me off, I'll be sure to tell you.

Please do.

[ He lifts his hand off of Yael’s back so it can rest in his hair, running through those still unwashed strands. Even now, it doesn’t bother him. ]

The worst thing you can do is force yourself to be alone when you’re feeling like that. I’m here to help make you feel better… or at least give you some company.

[That's nasty, homie, but Yael appreciates Yuui's touch more than he can stand to admit. He leans into it, letting his eyes slip shut while his lips remain pressed against warm skin.]

How long do you plan on staying? Don't let me derail your plans, Yuui. I'll be fine now that you've hunted me down.

[And spent valuable time with him. Fed him. Loved him. Even if Yuui were to leave now, Yael would still be content knowing he has someone by his side who won't allow him to slip into the darkest spaces of his mind.]

[ That hand running through his hair stops… so he can flick the back of Yael’s head. ]

Stop worrying about inconveniencing me. I’m here because I want to be.

[ And any plans he would have had would be derailed already. It doesn’t matter anymore.

After all, Yuui would like to think he’s made his priorities clear here. ]

[He takes that flick with good grace, snickering for the first time in a week and squeezing Yuui tighter.]

I knew I made the right call with you.

So corny...

[ But, ugh, he likes the squeeze more than he would ever admit to. At least there's proof of that in his smile. ]

What are you even talking about, "making the right call"? Are you some kind of strategist now?

I'm talking about choosing you, dumbass.

[Just for that, he nips Yuui on the neck.]

We could've fucked once and went on our merry ways, but I wanted more from you. Even so, I was apprehensive. I know you were too.

[ He sure was, and quite frankly? He still is. Moments like these with Yael are like a balm on his heart that helps it slowly grow stronger.

And yet... they terrify him too, setting his nerves on fire and his thoughts racing. ]

Sometimes I still don't understand. It isn't as if I was the best option either.

[ Even so— ]

I'm glad you did, though.

And you think I was the best option for you? Some washed up military man with a bunch of baggage?

[This isn't a matter of "best" when there is no such thing as a truly perfect fit. Yael is happy with Yuui, plain and simple, and he hopes he feels the same way. He hopes that is enough.]

I don't regret choosing you. I hope you know that.

I'm not worried you regret it.

[ Again, it's a matter of best fit here. But he knows that arguing that is a losing battle, so he gives up without much of a fight.

Still, there's more to it than that. ]

I do worry that I can't help you enough.

[Helping him. As far as Yael sees it, he needs to be a whole and complete man on his own, someone strong enough to support Yuui and not the other way around. This is the consequence of two men dating, he supposes, blissfully unaware of his own ignorance on the matter of gay relationship norms.

Yael hums, sitting his chin atop Yuui's head.]

Keep me fed and sexually fulfilled and you're golden. I don't need much.

[He's a pretty typical guy, Yuui. Fuck him and feed him and let him do shit that makes him feel useful like changing your oil and taking you out to dinner. Easy.]

[ You know, he's glad that Yael is a simple guy that doesn't require a lot of care and attention—although, Yuui will still be pouring plenty of that into him anyway. It's too late for Yael to escape any of that.

Even so, he can't help the exasperated look that crosses over his face. It's incredibly obvious that Yael is used to the way a traditional heterosexual relationship is supposed to operate, and he doesn't know that Yael would even care to listen about heteronormativity. ]

What am I, your stay-at-home wife?

[What's with that look? The exasperation is mutual, but it takes a moment for Yael to realize what has Yuui in such a tizzy.]

What? No. Finish your degree and get a job. I don't want to see you bumming around the house all day watching musicals and playing with your cat.

[And Yuui doesn't have to cook every day, but on the days he doesn't, he better be satisfied with takeout.]

I would be more productive than that, you jerk.

[ He gives Yael a light shove on the shoulder. Take that. ]

"Give me sex and keep me fed" is such a typical man thing to say.

Is it?

[Yeah, it really is, but ask Yael how much he cares. He knows himself.]

You should've thought about that before you fell for a typical man.

Well, I don't have regrets.

[ He shifts, sloshing the bathwater around them as he gets comfy in Yael's lap. Nothing like an incredibly muscular human couch to lay himself upon. ]

I'm pretty happy with this. I have things to look forward to now.

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cw suicide

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