fluorite | irl things

I'm pretty lucky, then.

[ He squeezes Yael's hand back, holding it tight. ]

Where are you taking us?

[ They're not exactly in the middle of the city, so he knows by now that it's not some store or restaurant. ]

[Yael takes their joined hands and points to that distant hill. Against the background of the oncoming storm, its greenery stands out starkly.]

Up there. I'd go there to brood a lot in the past.

[ Ah, it looks almost unreal against those threatening clouds, and Yuui's first thought is that it'll definitely rain while they're out there.

Hm.

He doesn't really care for once. ]

You're showing me your brooding spot? I'm honored.

[ Genuinely. ]

[Oh, it's definitely going to pour, but they can wait out the rain together. Yuui did say he has all night.]

It's nothing special. Sometimes being alone in nature helps clear your head, I've found.

[As they approach the base of the hill, Yael turns to Yuui with a playful, challenging smile.]

Want me to carry you to the top? It's a steep hill.

I can walk just fine!

[ He's not that weak, and he even gives Yael a little shove for that question. ]

But if you want to carry me, then by all means.

[ Yuui won't stop him, not when he's missed having Yael close to him. Maybe the familiar warmth of his body will calm the storm that still rages inside of him. ]

You really do like nature, don't you?

If you say so.

[He thinks Yuui is underestimating how far of a trek it is up to the top of the hill, but that's fine. Yael is all for letting people learn their lessons the hard way, starting up the hill and tipping forward so the steep incline doesn't knock him off his feet.]

Let's see how far you get on your own before I offer you my back. As for nature, I suppose so. I feel more relaxed out here than I do anywhere else.

[ Yuui mimics Yael, leaning over just a bit so he can make his way up alongside him. Ah, his calves already burn… this doesn’t bode well for him.

But that answer makes him think, and he hums. ]

Is that why you drove so far to see Hector?

[ Shockingly, he isn’t picking a fight—there’s no petulance or anger in his tone. He’s giving Yael a chance to elaborate if he wants to. And if not? Well, Yuui might hold it in his heart for a little while. ]

[vineboom.mp4

...............Well, he did tell Yuui that he was heading out that night and told him not to wait up (in minecraft), so it's not all too surprising that he's put two and two together. Still? Wow. Yuui doesn't sound peeved, but Yael's been wrong before.]

That was part of it. I'd also gone to check on him and make sure he wasn't drinking himself into a stupor.

[ Yuui huffs, but only out of exertion. God, this hill sucks. He refuses to give up, though. He’s going to climb this damn thing. ]

What was the third reason?

[ He’s giving Yael one last chance to say it in full before he says it instead. ]

[He was trying hard not to ruin their outing, but Yuui's bringing the drama to him. So much for that. Yael swallows back a sigh, eyes glued to their destination on the top of the hill.]

There is no "third reason." If you're going to accuse me of something, spit it out.

I’m not… accusing you of anything.

[ Ugh, he needs to stop to catch his breath, so he does. Hands on his knees, he looks up at Yael. ]

If you’re not ready to tell me, that’s fine. I was just hoping… you’d be completely honest with me.

[ Yuui reaches up, wiping some of the sweat that’s already forming on his brow. Even now, he still doesn’t sound like he’s trying to start a fight. Shocking, isn’t it? ]

[Dear God, why did you put him on this earth? Just to suffer?

Yael slows, stopping directly in front of Yuui and offering him his back. Come on, m'lady. He's not in any mood to fight either.]

And I will be, but you need to tell me what you're talking about, Yuui. I'm not a mind reader.

[ He all but flops onto Yael's back, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Still breathing heavily, he does his best not to pant directly in Yael's ear. ]

Your feelings go beyond friendship, don't they?

[ It's a heavy thing to accuse him with, he's well aware, but he needs to know this now before they can work on repairing things between them.

He has to. ]

I could feel it when the three of us hung out. And... no one just up and decides to drive five hours to go see someone they constantly argue with if there's not more there. [ Yuui pauses, but quickly picks back up before Yael can get a word in. ] I'm not accusing you of cheating on me when you visited.

[By all means, pant in his ear. Yael likes a raspy bitch.

...And there's the other shoe. Yael's sighs are swallowed up by the light breeze, the distant smell of petrichor filling his lungs.]

I guess they do. But he knows we can't be together.

[Yael squeezes Yuui's thigh.]

He knows I won't abandon you.

[ ...Ah.

He thought he had emotionally prepared himself for this, but it still hurts nevertheless, a little crack forming in his heart and splintering out. Yuui dares not to breath lest his breath hitches and gives away the way his chest hurts.

He hates being right.

Unsure of what he should say or do, he simply laughs. It's a light and airy thing. ]

I guess I can't blame you. He's pretty attractive, especially if he looks anything like his avatar.

[That laugh is like a cudgel striking his heart. Yuui shouldn't have asked, knowing Yael would tell him the truth. After lying by omission failed to spare Hector's feelings, he can be nothing but honest now.]

That's enough. You don't have to pretend to be fine with it when you're not. I'm sure it feels like a betrayal of your feelings.

[He could never cheat on Yuui, not in a million years, but Yuui may see it differently. He may consider a mutual crush tantamount to having an emotional affair for all Yael knows. It's nothing like that, he would insist, but he remains silent to leave room for Yuui's thoughts.]

...

[ No matter what he does, Yael won't let him smile through it, will he? He feels a small flash of anger and unwittingly allows himself to suck in a breath. ]

It hurts.

[ But Yael is right—it feels like a betrayal of his feelings, and the fact that he had deduced it before only makes it hurt more. ]

[He hears the breath catch in Yuui's throat and suppresses another sigh— reflexive guilt. They reach the top of the hill and Yael pulls his jacket off overhead, laying it on the grass and motioning for Yuui to sit.

He'll join him, choosing to settle in close when he might otherwise mind his space. Yuui needs comfort, warm comfort, when he's struggling. It's taken Yael long enough to internalize that.]

I know, Yuui, but I love you. Even if you don't love me.

[Even if Yuui doesn't know what he feels for him. Even if Yuui's affection never turns to love.]

You're the one I've imagined a future with. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with, if you'll have me. Against my own better judgment, I think about the future a lot. I want you to be in it.

[ For a brief moment, Yuui isn't sure he wants Yael in his space. But it's a flash of an emotion and he realizes that, yes, he very much does want Yael in his space. It takes nearly no time at all for Yuui to wrap his arms around Yael's middle.

For a little while, he doesn't say anything, collecting his feelings as he simply breathes in and out. His head practically spins with all kinds of thoughts, and he finds himself unable to settle on a single one.

He's hurt, but he feels relief with a little twinge of guilt when Yael says he loves him again. ]

When we didn't talk... I was really scared. I thought I wouldn't see you again.

[He winds his arms around Yuui, solid and assuring, and listens to him. Listens to the tremble in his voice that's nearly swallowed up by the rumbling of the distant storm. Listens to his fears, the result of being abandoned and failed so many times before. Hell, he's failing Yuui now.]

I had a feeling. Sorry.

[A nestled kiss in Yuui's hair. A tight squeeze.]

I'd never abandon you. I'm not the kind of man. There may be times where I need my space, but you needed yours too. I'm glad you took what you needed.

[ He shakily breathes out with that kiss, pressing closer as he buries his face in Yael's shoulder. The air around them grows a little more humid, the smell of impending rain almost overpowering, but he doesn't care. That's not important. ]

I thought every day about sending you a message, but I decided I would wait.

[ And even now, he's not sure if that was the right decision with the way it left him in almost a haze that lasted for days on end. ]

I know I hurt you too. I'm sorry.

[Yuui... He's not the one who should be issuing any apologies. Yael lightly baps the top of Yuui's head with a closed fist, scolding him, only to tug him closer and fit him with another kiss.]

You did what you had to do for your own well-being. I could never take offense to that.

Playing with that honesty was dangerous. I shouldn't have.

[ But he did and now here they are. Perhaps he should talk about their mismatched feelings, or that Yael wants to spend his life with him, but just as before... he needs time. His heart still aches, but he knows he'll be able to give Yael an answer eventually—an answer that Yael will be happy for, he hopes.

He gives Yael a squeeze. ]

What have you been up to?

[ Might as well catch up. ]

Moping on my mope hill.

[The usual, you know?]

You know what my life's like by now, so we're talking about you. How are your grades?

[Call it a hunch, but he has a suspicion Yuui has been slacking on his schoolwork. Can't imagine why!!]

...That's unfair.

[ Ugh, he feels like he's been caught doing something bad!! If he wasn't still moping and feeling sorry for himself, he'd pinch Yael right now. ]

I cancelled most of my tutoring sessions and haven't gone to class a few times. [ He pauses. ] I've been turning in my work, though.

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