fluorite | irl things

Who'd bully me? I'm alone most of the time.

[Besides, Yael is generally the one doing the bullying. He toys Yuui's fingers, lacing his own between them and squeezing them tightly. This is hardly penance, but it's a start.]

...Sorry, Yuui. I can't promise you something like this won't happen again in the future.

I know, Sheza.

[ He presses his face to Yael's shoulder, letting out a deep breath against his skin. ]

And I'll do the same thing again. [ Yuui pauses, humming in thought. ] Well, I'll come find you earlier than I did this time.

[ This is a learning experience for him. He'll know better. ]

[Yael falls silent for a time, thinking, which he's well aware is dangerous. Still, there may be no better time to make this suggestion, so why wait? He already knows what he wants, so he'll come out and say it as bluntly as usual.]

I've got a spare set of keys. Take them with you before you leave.

[ There's a very slight, very sharp intake of breath at that statement, and it's the only way for Yael to really know how Yuui feels. After all, Yael can't easily turn around and see his face. ]

...Alright. I'll take them.

[ This feels like a bigger step than he expected, like he's accepting something monumental.

There's a short pause as Yuui lets silence lapse between them again. ]

Would you like one of my spares?

[He can hear the surprise in Yuui's voice. It's a big step, but so is coming onto base to check on your internet boyfriend. Exchanging keys is the next logical step.]

May as well. We'll trade.

[Feeling Yuui's heart thud against his back, Yael squeezes his hands all the tighter.]

I don't want you losing sleep over me.

I'm afraid that ship has sailed already.

[ He nuzzles his face against Yael's back, breathing out a long sigh. There are a myriad of reasons for why he's lost sleep over Yael in the past month and a half, but he figures he doesn't need to go into details on that.

Especially not when he wants other details. With a long pause, Yuui finally speaks up again. ]

Would you tell me what's been going through your mind this week?

[ He isn't sure what to expect, honestly. Will Yael actually open up, or will he try and spare Yuui his nasty feelings? It's impossible for him to know, but he does know what would disappoint him most. ]

[The shoe has to drop eventually. That uncomfortable lump sets up camp in his throat again, Yael's eyes ebbing in and out of focus, settled on nothing in particular.]

Where do I begin? My head's a mess. If you want to know what "started" it, it was that friend of yours telling me I'd helped him come to the conclusion to end his own life.

[That someone would blame their suicide on him is a trigger Yael didn't know he had.]

[ Yuui squeezes him tight, pulling Yael flush up against his chest. Maybe Yael expects him to be more shocked about this information, to take more time to process it, but he's already done so. ]

...What he ultimately chooses to do is not up to you.

[ That directly contradicts what Fandaniel said, though, doesn't it? So Yuui is quick to add: ]

I spoke with him earlier about this subject. I think he overstated your role to mess with your head.

[...Ah, so he's already had this conversation with Fandaniel. Yael exhales a long, thin sigh.]

Shocker.

[Of course. When they'd first met, Fandaniel couldn't get deep enough under his skin to bother him. Foolishly, Yael assumed that would remain the case, but the joke's on him now. Fandaniel found his way in, guaranteeing Yael won't forget his bitch ass so easily. Sucks to suck, truly.]

It's not my problem who you choose to be friends with, but I want nothing to do with that guy. Got it?

[ Oh, he doesn't need to be told twice. This entire mess has made Yuui realize he can't just stick people together because he wants them to approve of one another. He regrets doing it now, but maybe it wouldn't have changed anything in the end anyway. ]

I've learned my lesson, Sheza. I'll make sure the two of you avoid one another as much as you like.

[ He gives Yael another squeeze, pressing yet another kiss to his shoulder. ]

You know, you've made my life better. Don't discount things like that.

[Little by little, Yael relaxes into Yuui's touch. Loses himself in it. Drops his guard. With Yuui, he knows he's safe. With Yuui, all the doubt and anxieties that plagued his mind over this last week are worlds away.]

It's not your problem to resolve, you know. I don't need help avoiding that guy.

[Yael has never had a problem giving people the cold shoulder. Fandaniel is no exception.]

Forgive me for finding that hard to believe, but I think I've only made life harder for you. What about your classes? Your lab work?

[Yuui must be missing out on important schoolwork being here.]

What you've seen me do is balance my life back to the way it should be.

[ His lips brush against Yael's skin, his breath warm against it as he speaks. ]

I spent all day in the lab or on campus, to the point where I would sleep in the library instead of going home. The only time I would leave either place was for tutoring or a hookup.

[ Yuui's heart beats faster, because he's laying out his terrible coping mechanisms plainly for Yael to see, even the ones that extend beyond just Fragment. It's scary, even scarier than taking the step to allow Yael to have his one of his spare keys. ]

About a month before the beta test started, something happened and my friends forced me to take a step back from my time at school or in the lab. I was struggling a lot with actually doing it, but with you here, it's easier. I have reason to cut myself slack.

[ Old habits die hard and he can't help but be vague, but the way he speaks at least leaves things open enough that Yael can ask for more detail. ]

[Yuui is being intentionally vague. Yael wants to leave him his space, to let him bring the issue up only when it's necessary. That's what Yael would do for most people, but Yuui isn't most people. Yuui is...

...No. Right now, he needs only to focus on the moment. Cradling Yuui's hands, Yael's tone softens just a hair. This is a decision better left in Yuui's hands.]

Do you want to talk about it?

[ It's such a miniscule shift, but Yuui notices it immediately. Then again, he's paid close attention to Yael's behavior ever since they met, picking up on whatever small things he can—a slight change in his tone, a twitch of his fingers, the smallest of smiles. Yuui always pays attention, always tries to find out more about Yael.

And it's scary, but maybe he can let Yael in just a little more in return. Yael has shared so much with him that it's only fair, isn't it?

Besides... Yuui wants him to know these things, and that in and of itself is terrifying. ]

I made an attempt on my life. As you can see, I wasn't successful, but I came close enough.

[An attempt on his life. Yael has hit some low points in his life, but he's never fallen that far. Moreover, he wishes this news came as some surprise to him, but he's come to know Yuui as a very closed off, very private person with a big heart to protect. People like him don't take well to being hurt.]

One sec.

[He gives Yuui that bit of warning before standing up, turning around, and hauling Yuui into his lap so his spindly legs drape along the side of the tub. Better.]

That's not an easy thing to admit. Thanks.

[Yael's answers are often so curt as to sound flippant, but Yuui knows him better than that. He knows a thanks from him is a genuine one, especially when his arms come up around him to squeeze him tight, his lips lingering against Yuui's temple.]

[ Ah, he's right back to being the little spoon... not like he minds it much, even as his legs feel cold now that they're no longer in the warm water and instead draped over the side of the tub. Yael is much, much warmer than any water, though, so he presses closer breathing out a long sigh against Yael's skin. ]

You deserve to know something like that.

[ Yael isn't alone in his struggles, after all. He may not like for Yuui to see this side of him, but Yuui knows what it's like, at least in spirit.

Heart still beating fast from the rush of admitting something like that, Yuui reaches his arm around to wrap it around Yael's back so he can embrace him in return. ]

You're such a big softie.

Mm. Am I?

[A big softie? Him? Yael supposes he can't argue given the need he feels to hold Yuui close whenever he can tell that he isn't feeling well. Call it a gut instinct, something animalistic, but the urge to care for Yuui and keep him safe is intrinsic, no less natural than breathing air.

And so Yael hugs him tighter, feeling that heart beating against his chest and squeezing Yuui all the tighter for it.]

Whatever you say. I just can't ignore you when you mope and make those sad faces.

I’m not moping.

[ He laughs softly, using his free hand to reach up and pinch Yael’s nose. ]

Or… I’m not the only one moping here. You think I can ignore you when you’re like this too?

[ It’s unavoidable. Yael pulls on his heart, worries him if it’s clear he’s not doing well. Yuui moves his hand off of Yael’s nose, smoothing over his cheek instead. ]

Mm.

[A noncommittal acknowledgement before he buries his face in the crook of Yuui's neck.]

You say I'm a big softie? Takes one to know one.

[Punctuated with a kiss, a little bite of Yuui's neck.]

Thanks for coming out here. In the future... well, I guess I've got no choice. Next time I'm feeling like shit because one of your questionable friends set me off, I'll be sure to tell you.

Please do.

[ He lifts his hand off of Yael’s back so it can rest in his hair, running through those still unwashed strands. Even now, it doesn’t bother him. ]

The worst thing you can do is force yourself to be alone when you’re feeling like that. I’m here to help make you feel better… or at least give you some company.

[That's nasty, homie, but Yael appreciates Yuui's touch more than he can stand to admit. He leans into it, letting his eyes slip shut while his lips remain pressed against warm skin.]

How long do you plan on staying? Don't let me derail your plans, Yuui. I'll be fine now that you've hunted me down.

[And spent valuable time with him. Fed him. Loved him. Even if Yuui were to leave now, Yael would still be content knowing he has someone by his side who won't allow him to slip into the darkest spaces of his mind.]

[ That hand running through his hair stops… so he can flick the back of Yael’s head. ]

Stop worrying about inconveniencing me. I’m here because I want to be.

[ And any plans he would have had would be derailed already. It doesn’t matter anymore.

After all, Yuui would like to think he’s made his priorities clear here. ]

[He takes that flick with good grace, snickering for the first time in a week and squeezing Yuui tighter.]

I knew I made the right call with you.

So corny...

[ But, ugh, he likes the squeeze more than he would ever admit to. At least there's proof of that in his smile. ]

What are you even talking about, "making the right call"? Are you some kind of strategist now?

I'm talking about choosing you, dumbass.

[Just for that, he nips Yuui on the neck.]

We could've fucked once and went on our merry ways, but I wanted more from you. Even so, I was apprehensive. I know you were too.

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