fluorite | irl things

[And he'll continue to hold onto Yuui's hands until he sees fit to take it away, regarding the owner and his daughters who serve as the waitstaff with a nod and a wave before they head out and towards his car.]

What time to do you need to head home? I'll try not to keep you out long.

[ He smiles a little as he follows Yael right out the door, giving a little wave himself. ]

I don't have anything I need to do tomorrow.

[ After all, he's been cancelling a lot of his plans, only going to class and lab when he has to. ]

Keep me out as late as you need.

[He has a sneaking suspicion Yuui's been blowing off his priorities, but if that's the case, it's no wonder why. It's Yael's own damn fault.

He keeps hold of Yuui's hand until they round the front of the vehicle and he pops the door open for Yuui, helping him up and into his seat. Sliding into the driver's seat, the SUV roars to life, their course set for a little green hill at the far end of the beach.

Once they're on the road, he offers his hand back to Yuui for safekeeping.]

You look cute in my hoodie.

[He never got the chance to say so before.]

[ Yuui takes his hand at lightning speed, threading their fingers together before giving it a squeeze. His hand is so warm and familiar in his, big and strong in contrast to Yuui's own long, thin fingers. Holding his hand again feels like being welcomed home after a long holiday away.

The compliment makes him smile as he looks out the window, watching the scrunched together buildings of the Bay Area pass them by. ]

It still smells like you, even though I've been wearing it most days.

[ He figures he owes Yael full honesty by now. What more could he lose by laying bare his feelings? ]

[He's hardly earned back the right, but as they come to a stop at a red light, Yael reaches over to thumb at that tears remain tangled in Yuui's long lashes.]

Mm? What do I smell like?

[Aside from, checks notes, sweat and testosterone maybe??]

[ It seems like Yuui thinks he's earned the right to, as he closes his eyes and leans into that touch, eager to welcome it. ]

Your soap, for one. But it's hard to describe. It's just... you.

[ Which is unhelpful, but that's the truth of the matter. He gives Yael a small smile before his gaze travels back to the road in front of them. ]

...I know it's cheesy.

[...Ah, no good. He wants to pull over and tug Yuui into his arms, but Yael urges himself to be patient, his eyes on that grassy hill in the distance. They'll be there soon enough.

Smiling, Yael squeezes Yuui's hand tightly.]

Turns out I like cheese.

I'm pretty lucky, then.

[ He squeezes Yael's hand back, holding it tight. ]

Where are you taking us?

[ They're not exactly in the middle of the city, so he knows by now that it's not some store or restaurant. ]

[Yael takes their joined hands and points to that distant hill. Against the background of the oncoming storm, its greenery stands out starkly.]

Up there. I'd go there to brood a lot in the past.

[ Ah, it looks almost unreal against those threatening clouds, and Yuui's first thought is that it'll definitely rain while they're out there.

Hm.

He doesn't really care for once. ]

You're showing me your brooding spot? I'm honored.

[ Genuinely. ]

[Oh, it's definitely going to pour, but they can wait out the rain together. Yuui did say he has all night.]

It's nothing special. Sometimes being alone in nature helps clear your head, I've found.

[As they approach the base of the hill, Yael turns to Yuui with a playful, challenging smile.]

Want me to carry you to the top? It's a steep hill.

I can walk just fine!

[ He's not that weak, and he even gives Yael a little shove for that question. ]

But if you want to carry me, then by all means.

[ Yuui won't stop him, not when he's missed having Yael close to him. Maybe the familiar warmth of his body will calm the storm that still rages inside of him. ]

You really do like nature, don't you?

If you say so.

[He thinks Yuui is underestimating how far of a trek it is up to the top of the hill, but that's fine. Yael is all for letting people learn their lessons the hard way, starting up the hill and tipping forward so the steep incline doesn't knock him off his feet.]

Let's see how far you get on your own before I offer you my back. As for nature, I suppose so. I feel more relaxed out here than I do anywhere else.

[ Yuui mimics Yael, leaning over just a bit so he can make his way up alongside him. Ah, his calves already burn… this doesn’t bode well for him.

But that answer makes him think, and he hums. ]

Is that why you drove so far to see Hector?

[ Shockingly, he isn’t picking a fight—there’s no petulance or anger in his tone. He’s giving Yael a chance to elaborate if he wants to. And if not? Well, Yuui might hold it in his heart for a little while. ]

[vineboom.mp4

...............Well, he did tell Yuui that he was heading out that night and told him not to wait up (in minecraft), so it's not all too surprising that he's put two and two together. Still? Wow. Yuui doesn't sound peeved, but Yael's been wrong before.]

That was part of it. I'd also gone to check on him and make sure he wasn't drinking himself into a stupor.

[ Yuui huffs, but only out of exertion. God, this hill sucks. He refuses to give up, though. He’s going to climb this damn thing. ]

What was the third reason?

[ He’s giving Yael one last chance to say it in full before he says it instead. ]

[He was trying hard not to ruin their outing, but Yuui's bringing the drama to him. So much for that. Yael swallows back a sigh, eyes glued to their destination on the top of the hill.]

There is no "third reason." If you're going to accuse me of something, spit it out.

I’m not… accusing you of anything.

[ Ugh, he needs to stop to catch his breath, so he does. Hands on his knees, he looks up at Yael. ]

If you’re not ready to tell me, that’s fine. I was just hoping… you’d be completely honest with me.

[ Yuui reaches up, wiping some of the sweat that’s already forming on his brow. Even now, he still doesn’t sound like he’s trying to start a fight. Shocking, isn’t it? ]

[Dear God, why did you put him on this earth? Just to suffer?

Yael slows, stopping directly in front of Yuui and offering him his back. Come on, m'lady. He's not in any mood to fight either.]

And I will be, but you need to tell me what you're talking about, Yuui. I'm not a mind reader.

[ He all but flops onto Yael's back, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Still breathing heavily, he does his best not to pant directly in Yael's ear. ]

Your feelings go beyond friendship, don't they?

[ It's a heavy thing to accuse him with, he's well aware, but he needs to know this now before they can work on repairing things between them.

He has to. ]

I could feel it when the three of us hung out. And... no one just up and decides to drive five hours to go see someone they constantly argue with if there's not more there. [ Yuui pauses, but quickly picks back up before Yael can get a word in. ] I'm not accusing you of cheating on me when you visited.

[By all means, pant in his ear. Yael likes a raspy bitch.

...And there's the other shoe. Yael's sighs are swallowed up by the light breeze, the distant smell of petrichor filling his lungs.]

I guess they do. But he knows we can't be together.

[Yael squeezes Yuui's thigh.]

He knows I won't abandon you.

[ ...Ah.

He thought he had emotionally prepared himself for this, but it still hurts nevertheless, a little crack forming in his heart and splintering out. Yuui dares not to breath lest his breath hitches and gives away the way his chest hurts.

He hates being right.

Unsure of what he should say or do, he simply laughs. It's a light and airy thing. ]

I guess I can't blame you. He's pretty attractive, especially if he looks anything like his avatar.

[That laugh is like a cudgel striking his heart. Yuui shouldn't have asked, knowing Yael would tell him the truth. After lying by omission failed to spare Hector's feelings, he can be nothing but honest now.]

That's enough. You don't have to pretend to be fine with it when you're not. I'm sure it feels like a betrayal of your feelings.

[He could never cheat on Yuui, not in a million years, but Yuui may see it differently. He may consider a mutual crush tantamount to having an emotional affair for all Yael knows. It's nothing like that, he would insist, but he remains silent to leave room for Yuui's thoughts.]

...

[ No matter what he does, Yael won't let him smile through it, will he? He feels a small flash of anger and unwittingly allows himself to suck in a breath. ]

It hurts.

[ But Yael is right—it feels like a betrayal of his feelings, and the fact that he had deduced it before only makes it hurt more. ]

[He hears the breath catch in Yuui's throat and suppresses another sigh— reflexive guilt. They reach the top of the hill and Yael pulls his jacket off overhead, laying it on the grass and motioning for Yuui to sit.

He'll join him, choosing to settle in close when he might otherwise mind his space. Yuui needs comfort, warm comfort, when he's struggling. It's taken Yael long enough to internalize that.]

I know, Yuui, but I love you. Even if you don't love me.

[Even if Yuui doesn't know what he feels for him. Even if Yuui's affection never turns to love.]

You're the one I've imagined a future with. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with, if you'll have me. Against my own better judgment, I think about the future a lot. I want you to be in it.

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